The Divergence of Love

By Anonymous

I find myself always over analyzing everything in life, from clothes to my future. I even catch myself speaking out loud sometimes because my mind overloads with so much. I find the most preeminent topics in my thought process are getting through this torturous undergrad experience I’ve had, graduate school, grades, how I appeal to other people, being a good person, my relationship with God, life after school, and traveling. Now in the topics mentioned, the one I’ve left out is the one I have had the most trouble wrapping my mind around and it’s Love. Now my views on this may and probably will differ from most people’s and also I’m not giving any advice, just sharing a personal perspective. I feel the need to vent on this because, although opinions and perspectives may diverge, I believe that somehow we can all relate on the topics of Love.

I once heard a quote where someone said love is an ability, which is different from what we have all been accustomed to hearing, which is that love is a feeling. Now for me the only real love I know is family. I’m 19 years old, lacking in any experience of love except for puppy love from my childhood. Now as much as I would like to say it isn’t by all means this is by my choosing. But ever since I can remember I’ve been in Love with idea of being in Love. Yet I’ve never been there, and even now I’m lost for words for the path my life has taken down the route of the opposite sex. I’ve never been able to keep a relationship for as long as six months. I don’t seek love anymore like I used to as a young and immature 14 year old hoping for that movie romance or that love song relationship. I can now say I am more open to Love then I have ever been, I still don’t fully understand the concept of love except that I only want to fill someone’s life with it. There are days my mood is determined by the fact I feel I live this lonely insecure life because of this lack of love from someone it’s like this empty hollow void that can’t be filled and because of it I’m starting to lose hope in Love. Over the years my yearning for love has grown and gone unfulfilled, leaving me with this breathless anguish. I mean really whoever thought Love may end up breaking your heart! After being a good person, future success in all my endeavors, I can say Love stands alone as the highest goal I can achieve.

Its funny because I have immersed myself with all things love-related. I mean, obviously a love song or a movie can’t quite catch the realness of love but they can imitate it. I love movies and especially dramas and romantic comedies. Movies and songs present the feeling of love and I commend that because for many of us these are the first outlets we use to express this unknown and alien feeling inside that gives us headaches, butterflies, a rapid heartbeat, and joy unparalleled. Now I’ve never loved nor have I ever felt like I needed someone but to imagine it is even too much to bear sometimes. The thing is at 13 when you feel this thing you want to call “love” you wish you were 19 because you think it’s easier to express it at that age. But then you’re 19 and you still really don’t know much about love and you feel like you’re 13 again, not quite finding the right words or knowing how to express this new-found ability. There is always a barrier in Love because it’s the falling in Love that’s tricky; it’s the most exciting and terrifying part from what I’ve come to understand from this Love thing. I mean so many times we want to call it love but are we really sure it is; or is that an easy route into making us believe we have finally found it?

In my opinion, there is no such thing as love at first sight I believe people share special intimate connections when they first meet but, like the pyramids, love wasn’t done in one day. I really am starting to believe that quote I said before, that love is an ability; and if I do take heed to that then I also believe that there are some people who are more talented with love then others. I also believe that love is something you can build on and get better at. But like anything you want you have to work at it, if love was an easy accomplishment the world would be perfect. But the world isn’t perfect and love isn’t an easy task; but it definitely is worth having and more, so much more. You know we all say you only live once and in essence you do, but what if you could only love once? Would we be so nonchalant as how we go about our daily lives sometimes? Or would we treat it with diligence, passion, and drive as we do with all that we really want? The present is never as good as we hope or think it can be. Memories and thoughts of the future are the things that are most notably prominent in our minds. You don’t even remember half the events that happen in your life but you remember getting married, having kids, a parent dying and the moment you knew you were in love. All these things have to deal with love so how can love not be of the utmost importance in people’s lives.

I’m no expert I’m just someone who has so much potential with this ability and talent to love. I’m just trying to keep my hope alive and maintain the belief that it will happen for me and anyone else who bears the burden of carrying this empty space in their lives. We all were given life and all have dreams to succeed in it. I know this may sound so clichéd but is a life without love a life worth living? It’s extremely hard for me to imagine someone saying yes because we were all given the ability to love when we were given life.

For me I’m not sure if I want to live without knowing I can Love. I’d rather carry this pain and burden of wanting to love which is just an overwhelming pressure on your psyche and heart to a point where you feel agony. I’d rather feel that then to know I could never have the ability to love. Sometimes we get a couple of shots at love I guess it all depends on how talented you are with it. But for those like me who have had only one bad attempt at love; when you stumble upon this love you have been waiting for, capture it because these moments are forever and it may be your only shot so try not to miss. Never give up on love and it won’t give up on you. I have faith in love because out of it I was conceived. I’m no poet, I’m no author, I’m not a therapist nor am I an expert or fully experienced in love, but I am willing to do all I can to receive it cause all I want to do is give it. Just know that love was created to be overwhelming overbearing and just too much to handle because if it wasn’t, would it really be worth all the trouble we go through.

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5 Responses to “The Divergence of Love”

  1. Dr. Pierce Says:

    Wow…I almost cried…Your sincerity is incomparable.It’s really comforting to know that there is someone in the world who wants to love and is not afraid to love–especially someone so young. I’m only 22 and because of past experience I am scared to death of it, but I know it is an innate desire–a need that many of us abuse and neglect when giving and receiving. I’m glad you consider this “ability” called “love” a priority in your life. One thing I do know for sure is that LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING WITHOUT LOVE.

    In regard to what I assume you’re referring to as something like “romantic” love, it will come. Until then express all your other forms of love to the fullest extent. Because you give, you WILL receive.

  2. OGBORU DANIELLA OLUKA Says:

    I really like this essay. it feels good to know there are people who still believe in love.

  3. kell Says:

    I think you made a strong point. I can agree with your blog, because i’ve been in a situation before where it feels like I’m completely in love, just to find out it’s just a another stupid feeling that doesn’t exist. When I picture love I picture everything perfect, for sure there are going to be disagreements, but yet that’s not in my mind, because somtimes I tend to be so freaking NAIVE that it kills me!!!
    You did a great job. I think you need to make posters with this blog to give to people so they know the full definition of love, because some still don’t know the true definition.

  4. tybabie Says:

    i love your essay i think you are a great writer and i thought i was the only one in this world who thought love was so important and so magical and so worth while. words can’t explain how i feel about your blog but that it’s great who ever you are thanks for writing this and sharing it with the world.

  5. vivianna Says:

    this is so good.
    you got the words out of my mouth.
    I totaly agree with you and the quote;love is an ability,
    wow……
    am not really sure what to say but great job…….

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