Letter from Your Gay Granddaughter

by Chantia Holmes

Many gays and lesbians have a hard time dealing with their family when it’s time to come out. There are quite a few lucky ones who have families who are very accepting and unconditionally love them no matter what. However, that is not the case with me.

I live with my grandma, who took me in when I was 11, when my mother died. Seeing as she is my grandmother, she is old-fashioned and believes that homosexuality is in the same category with murder and rape/molestation. (She thinks it’s perverted.) Although I was not ready to, I told her (my grandmother) about my lesbian life-style when I was 13 years old. Now, five years later, she still believes that it is a phase. Deep down, there are so many things I want to tell her, and I think a letter will serve the purpose, but, I am too afraid. So, I am going to post the letter here, and maybe one day I will have the courage to actually give it to her.

Hey Grandma,
Over the years, we were forced to learn to live together, due to unfortunate circumstances. You lost a child, and I lost my best friend: my mom. You then became my “mom” and raised me as if I was your own. When I was 13, I told you news that I believe no parent dreams about hearing: “I’m gay.” When I first told you, you told me it was a phase, and that it was a sin and I was going to go to hell.

Lately, we have been living as if I never told you. Truth is I am still gay. But I am also the same Tia that you have known and love all of my life. Life-style is basically defined as the morals and principles an individual chose to life their life by. My life-style is, well, gay. That does not mean, however, that I won’t be able to live life like a “normal” person. I will still have a great job, if I chose to, which I do! I can still live the American-dream life that everyone talks about. Most likely, I will. Instead of being married to some, unappreciative and no-good man (no, I am not a man hater) I will be settled down with my life partner, which of course will be a lady.

Moving on, I really want you to accept my life-style. For the past five years of my life, I’ve been lying to you about who I am with, what I’m doing, and so forth. Believe me when I say it’s not because I want to. You just give me no other choice. As soon as you knew I was going to be with another gay person or people, you would tell me no, I couldn’t go out. Of course being a teenager, I didn’t want to hear no, so I began lying. Now, I am tired of lying. I want you to know where I’m at and what I’m doing and who I’m with.

You are my grandmother, and I respect you so much, but Grandma, you have to understand. This is me. There’s no more to me, and there’s nothing less. Your acceptance would mean everything to me. I would never bring anyone to the house that I know you would not appreciate in your house, nor would I talk to you about anything I know you don’t want to hear. I just want to know that you understand that this is the life that I chose to live and that you still love me, no matter what. No matter whom I chose to love. In the end, I just want you to be proud of me and be able to say, “Tia is a great kid and I love her.”

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